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The Armpit of Doom

A Stinky Brother Poem

From the book The Armpit of Doom

Today I walked into my big brother's room,
and that's when I saw it: The Armpit of Doom.
I wasn't expecting The Armpit at all.
I shrieked and fell backward and grabbed for the wall.
The Armpit was smelly. The Armpit was hairy.
The Armpit was truly disgusting and scary.
I wanted to vomit. I wanted to cry.
I wanted to flee from its all-seeing eye.
My skin started crawling with goosebumps and chills.
My brain began screaming to head for the hills.
I tried to escape but I knew I could not.
In horror, I found I was glued to the spot.
"Will somebody help me!?" I started to shout,
till fumes overcame me and made me pass out.
And that's why I'm here in this hospital room;
it's all on account of The Armpit of Doom.
I'm still feeling shaken. I'm queasy and pale,
but lucky I lived and can tell you my tale.
So take my advice... If you ever go near
your big brothers room, bring a whole lot of gear:
A gas mask and goggles, a helmet and shield,
or maybe a space suit that's perfectly sealed.
And then, only then, when you're fully prepared,
step in very slowly and hope you'll be spared.
But, if you're afraid of the Armpit of Doom,
stay far, far away from your big brother's room.

--Kenn Nesbitt

 


Copyright © 2012 Kenn Nesbitt. All Rights Reserved.


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This poem appears in the book
The Armpit of Doom


Comments

On Jul 16, 2014 LoserGirl from Canada wrote:
HeeHee This poem is about my brother
On May 27, 2014 carmen from U.S.A wrote:
the funniest of the whole book!!!!!!!!! i love it!!!
On May 5, 2014 ugly from Vegas wrote:
So Funny! I LOVE IT!BEST POEM EVER!
On Apr 28, 2014 Claire Hughes from Washington wrote:
THIS IS SO FUNNY IT MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD!!!!!!!!! I've gotta read more of these!!!
On Apr 16, 2014 fluffy unicorn from united states wrote:
LOVED IT!!!!!! im still laughing from it!!

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Reading Level of this Poem

Teachers may find this information useful. Please note that Lexile Measures are intended for prose, not poetry. So, technically, the Lexile Measure of any poem should be NP (for non-prose). Nevertheless, this information is frequently requested, so I provide the Lexile Measure for this poem as if it were prose. The Grade Level Average, below, may be a more accurate guide to the reading level of this poem.

Lexile Text Measure: 570L
  
 Grade Level Measures
ATOS Level: 4.5
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 3.4
Gunning-Fog Index: 5.5
SMOG Index: 3.9
Automated Readability Index: 3
Grade Level Average: 4.1
  
 Text Statistics
Word Count: 227 words
Line Count: 26 lines
Average Line Length: 8.7 words
Average Sentence Length: 10.8 words
Average Word Length: 4 letters
 Rate This Poem
Current Score: 4 stars (4.06)
Votes: 3006

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