Month: September 2011

31 Days of Funny Spooky/Monster Poems

Beginning October 1 and continuing throughout the month, right up until Halloween, I will be posting a funny spooky poem or funny monster poem every day on Facebook, Google Plus, and Twitter. Follow me now to read them all! Click on the Facebook or Google Plus logo on the left or the Twitter logo on the right to follow.

NOTE: You don’t need an account to follow along and read the poems. Even without an account, you can still view the Twitter feed and link to the poems. Just click on the Twitter link on the right to see my tweets, which will have links to the poems.

Left Brain, Right Brain, and the Power of Poetry

Left Brain, Right Brain, and the Power of Poetry

Left Brain, Right Brain, and the Power of Poetry

It’s unfortunate but true, and probably due to our tech-driven, scientifically orientated world, that when I tell people I write poetry for a living, I’m likely to hear the question, “But what’s it for? What does it do?” And that’s a puzzler when it comes to literature and poetry. To those of us who love it, it’s perfectly obvious what it’s “for.”

But just in case you’re asked that question about poetry any time soon, and you want to have something to say without spluttering in indignation, I thought I’d throw together a few little-know facts about the effect poetry has on children’s brains (and ours, for that matter).

My Brother is Still in His Bedroom

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My Brother is Still in His Bedroom

“My brother is still in his bedroom.
No doubt he’ll be getting up soon.
But last night he stayed up till midnight,
so maybe he’ll sleep until noon.

“I haven’t gone into his bedroom.
Whenever I do he gets mad.
If anyone woke him this morning,
I’m guessing it must have been dad.

“It’s probably best not to bug him.
I try to stay out of his way.”
Yes, that’s what I said when mom asked me
if I woke up grumpy today.

–Kenn Nesbitt

To Learn to Juggle Prickly Pears

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To Learn to Juggle Prickly Pears

To learn to juggle prickly pears
can take a lot of practice.
It takes a thousand shrieks and swears
to learn to juggle cactus.

Just try to juggle porcupines!
You’re guaranteed to scream.
Anemones with all their spines
are equally extreme.

To stop the painful pokes and stings
you must get metal mittens
or else just juggle fluffy things.
That’s why I juggle kittens.

–Kenn Nesbitt

The Toughest Pastry Maker

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The Toughest Pastry Maker

I’m the toughest pastry maker who has ever baked a cake.
My impressive little pastries are impossible to break.
Yes, my cookies and my cupcakes will defeat the strongest jaws,
while my muffins are impervious to power drills and saws.

You have never seen a danish or a donut quite so strong
and I bake the fiercest fruitcake that has ever come along.
You can chew on them till doomsday, you can chew till kingdom come,
but you’ll never get a nibble, not a solitary crumb.

You can whack them with a hammer, you can hit them with a stick.
You can stab them with a dagger, you can beat them with a brick.
You can drop them from an airplane, you can blast them with a bomb
but my pastries will exhibit only peacefulness and calm.

I expect you’ll want to test them. I encourage you to try,
but you’ll never make a mark on them and here’s the reason why:
I do something with my recipes no other bakers do;
when the cookbook calls for “milk” or “water,” I use Crazy Glue.

–Kenn Nesbitt

How to Take Over the World, Step 9 – Defeating Secret Agents

Once you start trying to take over the world, you are going to find lots of government spies and secret agents trying to infiltrate your fortress and disable your doomsday devices. Step 9 of The Ultimate Top Secret Guide to Taking Over the World will teach you how to handily dispatch the forces of good so you can laugh maniacally and then go about your business of planning to conquer the planet.

Mr. Brown the Circus Clown

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Mr. Brown the Circus Clown

Mr. Brown, the circus clown
puts his clothes on upside down.
He wears his hat upon his toes
and socks and shoes upon his nose.

He ties his ties around his thighs
and wraps his belt around his eyes.
He hangs his earrings from his hips
and stockings from his fingertips.

He puts his glasses on his feet
and shirt and coat around his seat.
And when he’s dressed, at last he stands
and walks around upon his hands.

–Kenn Nesbitt