At Dizzy Dottie’s Dog Salon
we’ll fix your fido’s fur.
We will clip and comb his canine coat
and color his coiffure.
We will primp your pomeranian
and gussy up your pug.
We will brush your beagle’s back
and scrub his scruffy little mug.
Could your poodle use a crewcut?
Does your boxer need a bob?
Want an afro for your spaniel?
Come let Dottie’s do the job.
Get your setter new extensions.
Send your shepherd for a shave.
Bring your harrier for highlights
or your whippet for a wave.
From a bouffant to a beehive,
from a buzz-cut to a bun,
all the hair-dos here at Dottie’s
are affordable and fun.
Drive your doggy down to Dottie’s
for our groomings and shampoos,
where we don’t do cuts for kitties
but we do do doggy dos.
I found an empty cardboard box.
I made myself a fort.
I had to squeeze and twist and turn
and crumple and contort
to climb inside, but now I’m quite
embarrassed to report
I’m stuck inside this cardboard box
that’s clearly much too short.
Has anybody got a box
that’s bigger than a quart?
My mother makes prickly pear pastries.
My mother makes prickly pear pies.
She’s known for her prickly pear donuts
and flavorful prickly pear fries.
She sometimes makes prickly pear muffins
or prickly pear cookies and cakes.
She likes making prickly pear pizzas
and prickly pear smoothies and shakes.
I’ll bet she could write a whole cookbook
with all kinds of prickly pear food.
I’m sure you’d have no trouble guessing
what every last page would include.
I might even like her concoctions,
and wouldn’t just snicker and scoff,
if once in a while she’d remember
to take all the prickly parts off.
My sweet old Auntie Gravity
bakes all the lightest cakes.
Her “Secret X” ingredient
is all it ever takes.
A single splash of Secret X
provides her pies a lift.
A smidgen more and suddenly
her doughnuts are adrift.
A pinch upon her pancakes
and they rise above the plate.
A dash will make her danishes
begin to levitate.
Her muffins start to hover
from the tiniest of specks.
Her bagels float and flutter
when she uses Secret X.
But, sadly, Auntie Gravity
is known to make mistakes,
and may have used a bit too much
in several pies and cakes.
She ate a plate of chocolate cake
and tried a slice of mince.
I miss my Auntie Gravity;
we haven’t seen her since.
When Daniel went dancing that night at the fair
he leapt on the stage with his arms in the air.
He ran back and forth at a neck-breaking pace,
then back-flipped and cartwheeled all over the place.
He jumped like a jumping bean, bounced like a ball,
careened off the ceiling, and ran down the wall.
He flew through the room with an ear-splitting scream
till, shaking and sobbing, he ran out of steam.
The witnesses watching could see at a glance
that Dan had invented some new kind of dance.
They cheered and applauded. They gave him First Prize.
They cried, “You’re a genius in all of our eyes!”
So now, just like Daniel, from Finland to France
they sit on a cactus to start every dance.
While at the sofa factory
I nearly broke my spleen
when I accidentally fell in
an upholstery machine.
I almost died that fateful day
but I survived somehow.
And I’m looking even better, too,
since I’m “recovered” now.
The Mattress Factory Superstore
is owned by dear old Fred,
or, as he’s better known,
the Monster Underneath Your Bed.
His beds are cold and clammy
just the way a monster likes.
He also offers beds of nails
and mattresses with spikes.
His waterbeds are filled with sharks,
piranhas, eels, and squids.
But, just in case, Fred also carries
comfy beds for kids.
And Fred makes sure that every mattress
always feels alright
by checking every bed he sells you
EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
was very tall
despite his humble name.
In fact, his height
was quite a sight,
and Shorty’s claim to fame.
Yes, Shorty Small
was so, so tall,
to reach to comb his hair,
he’d have to climb,
for quite some time,
a ladder way up there.
To tie his shoes,
he had to use
a rope or knotted sheet
to clamber down
toward the ground
to even reach his feet.
And that is all
of Shorty Small
that’s worthy to report.
although he’s tall,
his tale is rather short.
There’s a witch outside my window
and she will not go away.
There’s a gremlin on my doorstep
and I think he’s there to stay.
There’s a troll demanding candy
and a mummy wanting sweets.
There’s a ghost, a ghoul, a goblin
and they’re clamoring for treats.
And as if that weren’t enough
to be considered rather shocking.
A vampire rang my doorbell
and the bogeyman is knocking.
My abode is now surrounded
by the recently deceased,
They’re in search of gum and chocolate
on which they plan to feast.
It’s the strangest situtation
that I think I’ve ever seen.
How I wish they’d go away
and just come back on Halloween.
My dog is running faster
than he’s ever run before
in a supersonic circle
in the middle of the floor.
He started somewhat slowly
but he quickly gathered steam,
and continued gaining speed
until his spinning was extreme.
He’s turned into a whirlwind,
like a funnel cloud of fog,
so it’s hard to even focus on
my whirling dervish dog.
He’s like a small tornado
or a canine hurricane.
Why it doesn’t make him dizzy
I’m unable to explain.
I only know he has this
most unusual of traits,
and he loves to chase his tail around
while wearing roller skates.