I started arranging my alphabet soup,
concocting big words to devour.
I swallowed a B U I L D I N G,
I gobbled a S T R E E T,
and then I ingested a T O W E R.
I snacked on a S U B W A Y,
I bolted a B U S,
I wolfed down a P A S S E N G E R T R A I N,
I chewed up M O N T A N A,
I gulped I N D I A N A,
then tossed down the whole S T A T E O F M A I N E.
I ate the G R A N D C A N Y O N,
I lunched on the R O C K I E S,
and A S I A, I slurped from my cup.
I would have been fine,
but I started to dine
on M Y H O M E W O R K
and then I threw up.
My name is Double Danny and
I always do things twice.
I’m completely double-jointed
and I’m double doggone nice.
When I see a double feature,
I prefer to double date.
I arrive there double early
and I leave there double late.
I like double talking, double-time,
and doing double takes.
I wear double-breasted jackets,
and eat double-layered cakes.
When it comes to doing homework though,
I’m not a double dunce.
For I’ve got a double standard,
and I only do it once.
This morning I was walking
past the local county jail
when I was captured by a pirate
just released on bail.
He took me to his pirate ship
and taught me how to sail,
and made me wed his daughter
who was covered by a veil.
We sailed the seven stormy seas
through hurricane and gale,
but while we were marauding
we were swallowed by a whale.
We soon escaped by torturing
the whale with a nail,
and floating to the shoreline
in an empty wooden pail.
An Indian then guided us
along a western trail,
and led us to a stagecoach
that was carrying the mail.
We all delivered letters
through the sleet and snow and hail,
until we found a train
and then we rode upon the rail.
I barely made it back to school
to tell you of my tale.
I’m sorry that I missed the test;
I hope I didn’t fail!
An elephant followed me home today
after waiting outside my class.
He patiently puttered around all day
playing hopscotch and munching grass.
He followed me out to the parking lot
and then rode with me on the bus.
He squeezed in the back near my normal spot
while the other kids stared at us.
He came in my house like a dog or cat,
after smashing in through the door.
At dinner he pulled up a chair and sat,
and then fell through the kitchen floor.
I’m trying to sleep, but it’s really tough
with an elephant in my bed.
He’s heavy and huge and his skin is rough,
and his trunk is across my head.
So though it may not seem relevant
please remember to heed this warning.
Don’t ever give nuts to an elephant
if he follows you in the morning.