I’m a pirate ballerina
on a pirate sailing ship.
In my purple pirate leotard
I like to spin and skip.
I prance around the poop deck
leaping lightly on my toes
in my purple pirate tutu
and my bustle and my bows.
I wiggle on the rigging
and I dance around the mast,
shouting, “Yo, ho, ho, me hearties!”
and, “Ahoy there!” or “Avast!”
I’m sure you’d think it’s strange
to see me jump around and gyrate,
but this is rather normal
for a ballerina pirate.
If you wonder why I do this,
it’s a fairly simple answer…
My mother was a pirate
and my father was a dancer.
The winter Olympics are practically here.
They say that the sports will be different this year.
Instead of the athletes who always compete,
They plan to have animals! Won’t that be neat?
They plan, for example, in cross country skiing
This year to have not even one human being.
Instead they’ll let polar bears out of the zoos
And fit them with custom-made cross country shoes.
With helmets and skis they’ll head out in the cold
To race one another and go for the gold.
On ski jump this winter I hear that they’ll use
a family of jackrabbits or kangaroos.
I’m sure the Olympics this year will be huge
With goats on the snowboards and lemurs on luge!
And won’t it be fun to watch elephants race
On bobsleighs downhill at a neck-breaking pace?
I simply can’t wait to watch speed-skating mice
Careening like crazy out there on the ice,
And octopi with a profusion of skates
Who execute Axels and real figure eights.
The snakes will be curling, but not as you’d think;
They’ll do it with stones on an ice-covered rink.
The falcons will slalom on specially-made skis,
And frogs will do freestyle. I hope they don’t freeze!
The sparrows will sprint and the hawks will play hockey
And people will cheer them from here to Milwaukee
And lavish the winners with medals and ribbons;
The geese, the gorillas, the geckos, and gibbons.
The ducks and the dolphins, the donkeys and dogs,
The hamsters and hippos and horses and hogs.
They’ll all be competing to show who’s the best
And leave all the spectators awed and impressed.
It’s just so exciting! I can’t wait to go
To see all these creatures compete in the snow.
But, still, I sure hope when the games are all through
The animals all go back home to the zoo.
I didn’t go camping.
I didn’t go hiking.
I didn’t go fishing.
I didn’t go biking.
I didn’t go play
on the slides at the park.
I didn’t watch shooting stars
way after dark.
I didn’t play baseball
or soccer outside.
I didn’t go on an
amusement park ride.
I didn’t throw Frisbees.
I didn’t fly kites,
or have any travels,
or see any sights.
I didn’t watch movies
with blockbuster crowds,
or lay on the front lawn
and look at the clouds.
I didn’t go swimming
at pools or beaches,
or visit an orchard;
and pick a few peaches.
I didn’t become
a guitarist or drummer,
but, boy, I played plenty
of Minecraft this summer.
I bought a brand new rubber ball.
I threw it at my bedroom wall.
I like my ball.
I sat down on a seesaw
to see what I could see,
but all I saw was seesaw
rising up in front of me.
I couldn’t see the treetops.
I couldn’t see the sky.
I couldn’t see the far-off fields.
I sat and wondered why.
I couldn’t see the swingset,
or even see the slide.
I guess I need someone to
sit down on the other side.
In Yankee Stadium they seat
a hundred people, more or less.
That total could be incomplete;
it’s really just a ballpark guess.
He’s “Mr. Athletic,”
the coolest of jocks,
the school’s fastest runner:
His name is Jim Sox.
He’s fearsome at football,
terrific at tennis.
At baseball and basketball
Jim is a menace.
He’s always the winner.
There isn’t a sport
where Jim doesn’t rule
as the king of the court.
He’s equally blessed
on the field and the rink,
but all of that exercise
gives him a stink.
And so in our schoolyard
the greatest of knocks
is telling a person,
“You smell like Jim Sox.”
To learn to juggle prickly pears
can take a lot of practice.
It takes a thousand shrieks and swears
to learn to juggle cactus.
Just try to juggle porcupines!
You’re guaranteed to scream.
Anemones with all their spines
are equally extreme.
To stop the painful pokes and stings
you must get metal mittens
or else just juggle fluffy things.
That’s why I juggle kittens.
Cara’s parrot’s rather rare.
He’s such a quiet bird.
While other parrots talk a lot,
he never says a word.
It’s not because he can’t;
it’s that he hasn’t much to say.
Instead he’s into bodybuilding,
lifting weights all day.
Although it sounds a little strange
and looks a bit bizarre,
he’ll practice push-ups in his cage
and chin-ups on his bar.
He’s gotten rather muscular
from lifting all day long.
It’s safe to say you’ve never seen
a parrot quite so strong.
For Cara bought a parrot
of a somewhat different stripe.
It seems that Cara’s parrot
is the strong and silent type.
I’m Abrocat the acrobat
my shows are sure to please.
I practice my gymnastics act
on tightrope and trapeze.
I swing on things like ropes and rings.
I somersault and skip.
You’ll be entranced to see me dance.
It’s fair to say you’ll flip.
I fly up there with feline flair
and when my show’s complete,
I end my act with skin intact
by landing on my feet.
I’m not at all afraid to fall
and never need a net.
The only things that frighten me
are dogs, and getting wet.