Topic: Wordplay

I Bought a New Tank For My Goldfish

I bought a new tank for my goldfish.
They shot me right in the behind,
and then they drove over
my little dog, Rover.
I guess that I bought the wrong kind.

Computer Boot

When I powered my computer on today
it wouldn’t boot,
so I tapped it just a little
but it still would not compute.

So I thumped a little harder
hoping that would make it go.
When it didn’t help, I hit it with
an even bigger blow.

Then I punched it half a dozen times
which wasn’t very smart,
for my knuckles hurt like heck
but my computer didn’t start.

So I whacked it with a hammer
and I knocked it over flat,
and I probably should not have clubbed it
with my baseball bat.

But at least I needn’t fret about
it booting anymore,
since I booted my computer
down the stairs and out the door.

Beavers In the Bathroom

There are beavers in the bathroom
swimming circles in the tub
where the beavers have decided
to convene their swimming club.

In their little beaver Speedos
and their beaver bathing caps,
they’ve been splashing rather happily
while practicing their laps.

They’ve been studying the butterfly,
the backstroke and the crawl,
and it’s obvious they like it
and they’re having quite a ball.

For we hear them all the time
but we don’t see them anymore,
ever since they built a beaver dam
behind the bathroom door.

Kitten Fight

My cat had kittens recently.
Her litter’s awfully cute.
I like to watch them wrestling.
I think it’s such a hoot.

Her litter like to roll around.
They like to scratch and bite.
They kick each other constantly.
It’s fun to watch them fight.

But, even so, I’ll pick them up
and put them all to bed
the minute they start punching
one another in the head.

I’m not concerned her kittens
couldn’t take a couple knocks.
It’s just that I don’t like to watch
her kitty litter box.

Frog Ball

In summertime, and through the fall,
whenever frogs are playing ball,
it’s normally a boring show,
for frogs do not know how to throw,
or bat, or steal, or slide, or run,
which means their games are never fun.

Instead, they simply sit around
the outfield and the pitcher’s mound
and hope that someone hits the ball
and sends it sailing toward the wall,
for this should come as no surprise:
They’re always good at catching flies.

My Parrot Doesn’t Care to Fly

My parrot doesn’t care to fly.
Although it sounds absurd,
he much prefers to skydive.
He’s a most peculiar bird.

You’ll see him leap from airplanes
in his zip-up nylon suit,
with goggles and a helmet
and, of course, a parachute.

He plummets toward the earth
and nearly breaks the speed of sound,
then pulls the ripcord just in time
before he hits the ground.

He skydives almost every day.
It leaves him feeling super.
And this is why he doesn’t fly:
Yep, he’s a parrotrooper.

My Mother Was a Hippie

My mother was a hippie.
My father was a punk.
And that is why
it happened I
turned out to be a hunk.

It’sFunToLeaveTheSpacesOut

It’sfuntoleavethespacesout
ofeverythingyouwrite.
Topackyourwordstogether
isanabsolutedelight.

Atfirstitmayseemhardtodo,
but,afterjustawhile,
you’llfindyoulikecomposing
inthiscleanandcompactstyle.

Andeveryonewhoseesyourwords
willmarvelatyourskill.
They’lltellyouthattoreadyourwork
issomethingofathrill.

Andyou’llbecomesofamous
forthecleverwayyouwrite,
thatyoucouldoutsellJ.K.Rowling
almostovernight.

Andsoonyou’llbeamillionaire;
ofthis,there’slittledoubt,
wheneveryotherbookaround
looks t o t a l l y s p a c e d o u t.

Today I Touched the Buffalobster

Today I touched the buffalobster
and the goldfishark,
the eagleopard, ocelotter,
and the weaselark.

I fed the frogorilla
and I felt the reindeerat.
I prodded the piguana
and I scratched the alpacat.

I gazed at the gazellephant.
I gawked at the gooseal.
I caught the cockroachimpanzeebra
and the bumblebeel.

I pet the parroturtle,
and the pelicangaroo.
It’s freaky, but it’s fun here
at the Mutant Petting Zoo.

Juan and Tu

Juan ran races.
Tu ran too.
Tu won one and
Juan won two.

Hugh ran one with
Juan and Tu.
Hugh won none when
he ran too.

Who won two when
Tu won one?
Juan won two and
Hugh won none.