Topic: Wordplay

How Did You Get So Mean?

I caught you stealing second base.
I saw you kill some time.
I know you shot some basketballs
and even flipped a dime.

I heard you cut some corners.
You were swinging at the park.
I saw you punch the clock
while stabbing blindly in the dark.

I watched you beat a dozen eggs.
I saw you strike a match.
You almost hit a hole-in-one.
I heard you slam the hatch.

You said you kicked the habit.
You got to crown the queen.
And now you want to break the news?
How did you get so mean?

Lefty the Lifter

Tonight I write of Lefty Wright,
a lifter, slightly gifted,
who nightly lifted left and right
so deftly all he lifted.

Lefty lifted, on his left,
aloft a hefty crate.
Lefty lifted, on his right,
a slightly lighter weight.

So though Lefty lifted deftly,
shifting as he lifted,
Lefty, listing swiftly leftly,
drifted off a cliff did.

Rites were read for Lefty Wright
to Wrights he left bereft.
Despite his might, from quite a height,
yes, Lefty Wright has left.

Hap-the-Happy-Hyphenator

I’m-Hap-the-Happy-Hyphenator.
Hyphens-are-my-thing.
I-like-the-way-they-give-my-words-
that-extra-bit-of-zing.

I-really-can’t-explain-it,-
but-it-makes-me-feel-just-great.
And-so,-no-matter-what-I-write,
I-always-hyphenate.

I-do-not-like-parentheses.
Quotation-marks-are-dull.
Apotrophes-and-colons-drive-me-
right-out-of-my-skull.

I-do-not-need-the-angle-bracket,
question-mark-or-slash.
I’d-love-to-stay-and-tell-you-more-
but-now-I-have-to-dash—–

What the Teachers Saw at Recess

Mr. D. saw Esau seesaw.
That’s what Mr. D. said he saw.
Mrs. C. saw Mr. D. see
Esau seesaw. That’s what she saw.

We saw Esau see C. see D.
He saw C. saw D. saw Esau.
Mr. E. was out to sea, so
it’s a mystery what he saw.

While Talking on the Homophone

While talking on the homophone
I heard the strangest thing.
I heard a girl named Summer Winter
fall into a spring.

I heard a knight who mourned
for Eve and Dawn one afternoon
was later weakened in a daze
by April, May and June.

I heard a baker pinched some dough
and pitched the batter too.
But when the owner fired him
the loafer wouldn’t shoo.

I heard a psychic wagered stakes
and gamboled as she won.
It’s rare to see a medium
who’s ever so well done.

I heard the toast made butter fly.
The reason? It was plain.
I heard the king was always wet.
He blamed his lifetime reign.

But now he’s dry; at eight feet tall
his crown was over throne.
I guess that’s what I get
for talking on the homophone.

1 Crazy Place

Instead of having streets with names
like Broadway, Park or Main,
our town has streets like Hyper Drive,
No Way, and Lois Lane.

We have a street called Winfirst Place,
a favorite place to go,
and Up-your Alley, Endless Loop,
and even Paddle Row.

We have the Lolo Highway
and a street called Running Walk.
Another one named Circle Square
is just around the block.

We have a street called Tennis Court.
and one that’s Upson Downs.
It’s fair to say we have
the most unusual of towns.

But what I find depressing,
from the window of our class,
we see the street our school is on.
It’s called Yulnever Pass.

Shelley Sellers

Shelley Sellers sells her shells
at Shelley’s Seashell Cellars.
She sells shells (and she sure sells!)
to smelly seashore dwellers.

Smelly dwellers shop the sales
at Shelley’s seashell store.
Salty sailors stop their ships
for seashells by the shore.

Shelley’s shop, a shabby shack,
so sandy, salty, smelly,
still sells shells despite the smells;
a swell shell shop for Shelley.

When Vegetables Are Angry

When vegetables are angry
does it mean they’re in a stew?
When morning says good morning
does it ask how do you dew?

When mountaintops are spying
would you say they’re sneaking peaks?
When water spills on onions
does it turn them into leeks?

To be a good conductor
do you really have to train?
If Superman retired
would he live on Lois Lane?

If streets required clothing
would you buy your street a dress?
If restaurants were dirty
would you eat inside the mess?

Whenever you’re impatient
does it mean you’re losing wait?
If six bought lunch for seven
would you care how much he eight?

When cheese pots say good evening
do they bid a fond adieu?
When vegetables are angry
does it mean they’re in a stew?

Today We Had Some Weather

Today we had some weather
like I’ve never seen before,
so I pulled on my galoshes
and I headed out the door.

It sprinkled, first so lightly,
it could easily be mist.
A tornado then came dancing by,
it swung and did the twist.

The fogbanks opened up their vaults
and let out all their fogs,
and the dog pound took a pounding;
it was raining cats and dogs.

It started raining buckets,
then the rain came down in sheets.
I had never seen so many
sheets and buckets in the streets.

I’d planned to watch the weather
and, though gallantly I tried,
when it started hailing taxis
I gave up and went inside.

(I’m Always in Parentheses)

(I’m always in parentheses)
(which makes me hard to hear)
(regardless if I’m yelling loud)
(or if you’re leaning near.)

(It sounds as if I’m whispering)
(my voice is just a squeek)
(and even if I scream and shout)
(it comes out soft and meek.)

(Parentheses imprison me)
(they hold me like a jail.)
(I try to break these tiny curves)
(but every time I fail.)

(I’m sick of these parentheses,)
(these little muffling arcs.)
I WISH I WAS IN CAPITALS
WITH EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!