Category: Podcast

I love writing poems about the holiday season, so I wanted to start December off with a new funny poem about Santa Claus. To get myself in the right festive mood, I reread Clement Clarke Moore’s classic poem “A Visit from St. Nicholas,” better known as “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.” As I was reading, a couple of lines jumped out at me:

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

I couldn’t help noticing something amusing about the word “soot.” It looks like it ought to rhyme with “suit,” but it doesn’t. “Soot” actually rhymes with “put” and “foot,” not with “suit” or “boot.” Still, that contrast made me laugh, and I thought there had to be a poem hiding inside that idea somewhere.

So I first decided to call it “Soot Suit,” and then sat down to see what I could come up with. And this is the result, my newest holiday poem.

Soot Suit

When Santa came to visit us
on Christmas Eve this year,
his eyes were bright and merry
and his face was full of cheer.

He carried toys and presents
in a sack upon his back.
But Santa wasn’t dressed in red.
Instead, his suit was black.

Without his bright red coat and hat
he looked a little weird.
He also had some smudges
on his cheeks and on his beard.

We asked if he was trying out
a new and different style.
He looked down at his blackened suit
then answered with a smile.

He said, “My suit’s not really black,
as maybe you could tell.
It only looks that way because
your chimney soots me well.”

— Kenn Nesbitt

One question students often ask me is what my favorite “kind” of poem is. That is, they want to know if I like haiku or limericks or diamantes or some other type of poem best. The word poets use to describe these different kinds of poems is “form.” A form is kind of poem defined by a set of rules, which might include a certain rhyme scheme, number of lines, syllable count and so on.

The truth of the matter is that I don’t normally write in poetic forms, but if I had to pick a favorite, it would either be a funny form like limericks or clerihews, or it would be the acrostic, where the first letters of each line spell out a word or phrase.

With Thanksgiving Day (in the United States) coming soon, this week I was putting together a program on how to write “thankful” poems. One example I gave was a simple acrostic on the word “thanks.” I enjoyed that simple example enough that I decided to create a longer acrostic using the word “Thanksgiving,” listing things that you or I might be thankful for on Thanksgiving Day.

I hope you enjoy it!

Thanksgiving

These are things I’m thankful for:
Hugs from people I adore.
Apple cider. Pumpkin pie.
Next-door neighbors dropping by.
Kicking balls around the yard.
Singing, laughing, playing cards.
Glasses clinking for a toast.
Ice cream sundaes. Yummy roast.
Visitors from out of town.
Inside, children running ’round.
Napping after food and play.
Giving thanks, Thanksgiving Day.

 — Kenn Nesbitt

Before we begin, there’s something I haven’t talked about very much. Most people assume I was born in the twentieth century and grew up like everyone else—going to school, learning poetry, all of that. But the truth is a bit more complicated.

I’m actually from the year 3017.

That’s right—thirty-seventeen. A full millennium in the future. Back home, time travel is fairly common. It’s not something people make a big fuss about, either. It’s more like catching bus. You can take a weekend trip to ancient Egypt, visit your great-great-great-great-grandparents, or hop forward to see how your favorite TV show eventually ends. Most time travelers don’t stay very long in the past, but I’ve always been curious. I wanted to see what life was like a thousand years ago, so I climbed into my trusty time machine and set the dial for the early 2000s.

Unfortunately—well, I won’t spoil the poem—but let’s just say things didn’t go exactly as planned.

What you’re about to hear is a completely accurate, totally factual account of what happened next. Some people think I wrote it as fiction, but I assure you: every word is true. And yes, time machines in the future are usually more reliable than this.

My Time Machine Is Broken

I came here from the future
in my trusty time machine.
I flew almost a thousand years
from thirty-seventeen.

I thought it would be fun to see
the far-off distant past.
It never had occurred to me
this trip might be my last.

But now I’m getting worried.
It’s a serious concern.
My time machine has broken down
so now I can’t return.

I traveled too far back in time,
which now I quite regret,
since time machine repair shops
haven’t been invented yet.

— Kenn Nesbitt

It’s the middle of autumn, and the weather is definitely changing. The leaves have mostly fallen from the trees, and it’s been cold and raining for the past few days where I live. I thought I’d write something about this change of seasons—but in a slightly unexpected way.

This poem starts out as a simple bike ride through the park, but things take a strange turn once the weather begins to shift. Here is…

Dark Park

I went for a ride
on my bike in the park.
Some clouds started forming.
It quickly got dark.

The rain pounded down
as the wind began blowing.
The weather turned colder,
and soon it was snowing.

I shivered and shook
as a blizzard was forming,
and thunder and lightning
were suddenly storming.

I tried to escape,
but my bike wouldn’t go.
The wheels were both frozen
and stuck in the snow.

I jumped off my bike
and ran out of the park.
The sky was all sunny,
not cloudy and dark.

It’s really a puzzle
why out here it’s nice,
but inside the park
it’s all snowbanks and ice.

I’ve taken a breath,
and I’m counting to ten,
preparing myself
to go back in again.

I might sound insane,
like a crazed maniac.
I don’t really care, though—
I want my bike back.

— Kenn Nesbitt

It’s October, and the weather has finally started turning cold. The leaves are changing colors and beginning to fall, swirling and spinning in the breeze. I’ve already written a couple of Halloween poems this month, so I thought I’d do something a little different, something that simply celebrates the season itself.

The idea for the ending of this poem came to me almost instantly, and I knew I had to write the whole thing just to build up to that moment. I hope you enjoy it.

The Leaves Are Falling Of the Trees

The leaves are falling off the trees.
It’s fun to watch them whirl.
It only takes the slightest breeze
to make them swoop and swirl.

They twist and spin, they dip and dance.
Their flights are acrobatic.
They do this yearly, not by chance;
instead, it’s autumn-matic.

— Kenn Nesbitt

I came up with the last word of this poem earlier this year. It’s what’s called a portmanteau word, which means a made-up word created by blending two real words together, like combining breakfast and lunch to make the word “brunch.”

Now, at the time, it was the beginning of June, and writing a Halloween poem in the middle of spring didn’t make much sense. So I just jotted the word down in my notes and waited. Now that October is here, I thought it was the perfect time to see if I could turn that one silly word into a whole poem, and this is what I came up with.

Sticky Sweet Trick-or-Treat

I went trick-or-treating.
I only got stuff
with marshmallows in it
or marshmallow fluff.

My basket was filled up
with Rice Krispies Treats,
s’mores, Peeps, and Moon Pies,
and other such sweets,
like cocoa with marshmallows
floating on top,
a rocky road bar,
and a marshmallow pop.

I’m not sure what happened.
I guess this must mean
I went trick-or-treating
on Marshmalloween.

— Kenn Nesbitt

When October comes around each year, I love writing Halloween poems—especially about monsters, haunted houses, and trick-or-treating. Some of these poems are a little spooky, but most are just meant to be silly and fun, like this one. I started imagining what it might be like if Dracula and his monster friends hosted a Halloween celebration of their own. What would they do if you came knocking on their door? I hope you enjoy the answer.

At Dracula’s Mansion

At Dracula’s mansion, on Halloween night,
the monsters are hiding inside, out of sight.
They patiently wait till the moment is right,
the moment you ring the front bell.

They’ll throw the door open and put on a show,
some magic in front of the pumpkins’ warm glow.
And you’ll have a seat in the very front row
as they cast their magical spell.

The ghost will perform his new vanishing act.
The witch will pull black rabbits out of her hat.
Count Dracula simply turns into a bat
as you’re bravely waiting for sweets.

You might find it scary to be in this fix.
But monsters… well, that’s the way they get their kicks.
At Dracula’s mansion, they always do tricks,
before they give out any treats.

— Kenn Nesbitt

One of the things I’ve loved ever since I was a kid is playing with language; making up silly words, twisting familiar phrases, and asking questions that don’t always have logical answers. I grew up reading nonsense poems like “Jabberwocky” by Lewis Carroll and “The Owl and the Pussycat” by Edward Lear, and I still remember the tongue twisters and silly songs my dad used to recite, like “Fuzzy Wuzzy Was a Bear” and “Mairzy Doats.” Those kinds of playful poems and songs sparked something in me, and they’ve inspired many of the poems I’ve written since.

A few nights ago, just as I was drifting off to sleep, a strange question popped into my head: If it’s a farmer’s job to farm and a teacher’s job to teach, is it a butler’s job to “butle?” It made me laugh so much that I grabbed my phone and jotted it down before I could forget. When I looked at it the next morning, I still thought it was fun. So I ran with it and turned it into a poem.

I hope you enjoy the result as much as I enjoyed writing it.

It’s a Farmer’s Job to Farm

It’s a farmer’s job to farm,
and it’s a teacher’s job to teach.
It’s a dancer’s job to dance,
and it’s a preacher’s job to preach.

But do butlers have to butle,
and do barbers have to barb?
Does a butcher have to butch,
and does a harbor have to harb?

Does a grocer have to groce,
and does a doctor have to doct?
Is a scholar’s job to schol,
and is a proctor’s job to proct?

Does a dollar have to doll
and does the thunder always thund?
If you know, then you’re a wonder,
and your job must be to wond.

— Kenn Nesbitt

Have you ever played around with one of those video filters that makes you look older, or younger, or gives you dog ears, or turns your whole face into a cartoon? Apps like Zoom, Snapchat, and others are filled with tools that can instantly change how you look—just for fun. It made me think about the line from Snow White… “Mirror, Mirror on the wall…” What if that magic mirror still existed, but it used artificial intelligence instead of spells and potions?

That idea got my imagination spinning, and the result was this poem. I hope you enjoy it.

AI Mirror On the Wall

AI mirror on the wall,
show me what I’d look like tall.
Dress me in a suit and hat.
Make my face look like a cat.

Change my skin to turn it blue.
Add a beard and mustache too.
Make me young. Now make me old.
Place me on a pile of gold.

Show me what I’d look like blonde,
with a cape and magic wand.
Make my hair short. Make it long.
Make my muscles big and strong.

Thank you, AI. That was fun.
But for now, I think we’re done.
Turn off AI on the wall.
Normal me is best of all.

— Kenn Nesbitt

I’ve always loved writing poems about unusual characters—kids, teenagers, or even adults who do outrageous things or take ordinary situations and turn them completely upside down. “The Reason Vance Learned How to Dance” is one of those poems. It’s about a kid who puts in a ton of effort for one very specific reason… and then something unexpected happens.

Poems like this are a fun way to play with something called irony—that’s when the outcome is the opposite of what you’d expect. Imagine practicing all year to go swimming and then forgetting your swimsuit on the big day. That’s ironic—and also kind of funny! In this poem, Vance is a kooky character who works hard toward his goal, but things don’t quite go as planned.

Let’s see what happens to Vance as he prepares for his big moment…

The Reason Vance Learned How to Dance

The reason Vance learned how to dance
was for his high school prom.
He knew he needed lessons, so
he went and asked his mom.

She taught him how to jitterbug
and how to lock and pop,
and how to do the Bossa Nova
and the Bunny Hop.

She showed him how to do the Robot
and the Tango too,
the Cha-Cha and the Twist, and the
Electric Boogaloo.

He learned to do the Chicken Dance,
the Moonwalk, and the Mule.
At last he felt that he was ready
for the dance at school.

He’d learned a dozen dances, but
he realized too late
he couldn’t go to prom since he
forgot to ask a date.

— Kenn Nesbitt