Category: Podcast

April Fool’s Day

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Mackenzie put a whoopie cushion
on the teacher’s chair.
Makayla told the teacher
that a bug was in her hair.

Alyssa brought an apple
with a purple gummy worm
and gave it to the teacher
just to see if she would squirm.

Elijah left a piece of plastic
dog doo on the floor,
and Vincent put some plastic vomit
in the teacher’s drawer.

Amanda put a goldfish
in the teacher’s drinking glass.
These April Fool’s Day pranks
are ones that you could use in class.

Before you go and try them, though,
there’s something I should mention:
The teacher wasn’t fooling
when she put us in detention.

–Kenn Nesbitt

I’m Staying Home From School Today

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I’m staying home from school today.
I’d rather be in bed
pretending that I have a pain
that’s pounding in my head.

I’ll say I have a stomach ache.
I’ll claim I’ve got the flu.
I’ll shiver like I’m cold
and hold my breath until I’m blue.

I’ll fake a cough. I’ll fake a sneeze.
I’ll say my throat is sore.
If necessary I can throw
a tantrum on the floor.

I’m sure I’ll get away with it.
Of that, there’s little doubt.
But, even so, I really hope
my students don’t find out.

–Kenn Nesbitt

Basketball’s My Favorite Sport

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Basketball’s my favorite sport.
I dribble up and down the court.
The ball goes bouncing off my toes
and beans the teacher on the nose.

He stumbles back and grabs his nose
and hits the wall and down he goes.
The other players stop and stare.
They’ve never heard the teacher swear.

With no one playing anymore.
I grab the ball. I shoot. I score.
I love this game! It’s so much fun.
The teacher cried, but, hey–we won.

–Kenn Nesbitt

My Teacher Calls Me Sweetie Cakes

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My teacher calls me sweetie cakes.
My classmates think it’s funny
to hear her call me angel face
or pookie bear or honey.

She calls me precious baby doll.
She calls me pumpkin pie
or doodle bug or honey bunch
or darling butterfly.

My class is so embarassing
I need to find another;
just any class at all
in which the teacher’s not my mother.

–Kenn Nesbitt

I Taught My Cat to Clean My Room

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I taught my cat to clean my room,
to use a bucket, brush and broom,
to dust my clock and picture frames,
and pick up all my toys and games.

He puts my pants and shirts away,
and makes my bed, and I would say
it seems to me it’s only fair
he puts away my underwear.

In fact, I think he’s got it made.
I’m not as happy with our trade.
He may pick up my shoes and socks,
but I clean out his litterbox.

–Kenn Nesbitt

Riding a Rainbow

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I’ll ride on a rainbow
to soar through the sky.
I’ll ride on a kite
as it flies way up high.

I’ll ride on a dragon.
I’ll ride a balloon.
I’ll ride on a rocket
and ride on the moon.

I’ll ride on the wind
and the sun and the stars,
on floating bananas
and flying guitars.

I’ll ride on a cloud
and a unicorn too.
I’ll ride in the seat
of a magical shoe.

But why would I ride
on the sun and the stars?
It’s so much more fun
than just riding in cars.

–Kenn Nesbitt

All My Great Excuses

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I started on my homework
but my pen ran out of ink.
My hamster ate my homework.
My computer’s on the blink.

I accidentally dropped it
in the soup my mom was cooking.
My brother flushed it down the toilet
when I wasn’t looking.

My mother ran my homework
through the washer and the dryer.
An airplane crashed into our house.
My homework caught on fire.

Tornadoes blew my notes away.
Volcanoes struck our town.
My notes were taken hostage
by an evil killer clown.

Some aliens abducted me.
I had a shark attack.
A pirate swiped my homework
and refused to give it back.

I worked on these excuses
so darned long my teacher said,
“I think you’ll find it’s easier
to do the work instead.”

–Kenn Nesbitt