Category: Podcast

All My Great Excuses

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

I started on my homework
but my pen ran out of ink.
My hamster ate my homework.
My computer’s on the blink.

I accidentally dropped it
in the soup my mom was cooking.
My brother flushed it down the toilet
when I wasn’t looking.

My mother ran my homework
through the washer and the dryer.
An airplane crashed into our house.
My homework caught on fire.

Tornadoes blew my notes away.
Volcanoes struck our town.
My notes were taken hostage
by an evil killer clown.

Some aliens abducted me.
I had a shark attack.
A pirate swiped my homework
and refused to give it back.

I worked on these excuses
so darned long my teacher said,
“I think you’ll find it’s easier
to do the work instead.”

–Kenn Nesbitt

My Teacher Took My iPod

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

My teacher took my iPod.
She said they had a rule;
I couldn’t bring it into class
or even to the school.

She said she would return it;
I’d have it back that day.
But then she tried my headphones on
and gave a click on Play.

She looked a little startled,
but after just a while
she made sure we were occupied
and cracked a wicked smile.

Her body started swaying.
Her toes began to tap.
She started grooving in her seat
and rocking to the rap.

My teacher said she changed her mind.
She thinks it’s now okay
to bring my iPod into class.
She takes it every day.

–Kenn Nesbitt

Dizzy Dottie’s Dog Salon

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

At Dizzy Dottie’s Dog Salon
we’ll fix your fido’s fur.
We will clip and comb his canine coat
and color his coiffure.

We will primp your pomeranian
and gussy up your pug.
We will brush your beagle’s back
and scrub his scruffy little mug.

Could your poodle use a crewcut?
Does your boxer need a bob?
Want an afro for your spaniel?
Come let Dottie’s do the job.

Get your setter new extensions.
Send your shepherd for a shave.
Bring your harrier for highlights
or your whippet for a wave.

From a bouffant to a beehive,
from a buzz-cut to a bun,
all the hair-dos here at Dottie’s
are affordable and fun.

Drive your doggy down to Dottie’s
for our groomings and shampoos,
where we don’t do cuts for kitties
but we do do doggy dos.

–Kenn Nesbitt

Bloome the Human Boomerang

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

I’m Bloome, the human boomerang.
I soar up in the sky.
My skill is quite remarkable.
It’s fun to watch me fly.

To start, I grab my ankles
and I lift me off the ground,
then swing myself in circles
till I’m spinning ’round and ’round.

And when I’m spinning fast enough
I say a little prayer,
then heave myself with all my might
and launch me in the air.

I fly a giant circle
and return right back to me.
Except today I missed and now
I’m stuck up in a tree.

–Kenn Nesbitt

The Armpit of Doom

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

Today I walked into my big brother’s room,
and that’s when I saw it: The Armpit of Doom.
I wasn’t expecting The Armpit at all.
I shrieked and fell backward and grabbed for the wall.
The Armpit was smelly. The Armpit was hairy.
The Armpit was truly disgusting and scary.
I wanted to vomit. I wanted to cry.
I wanted to flee from it’s all-seeing eye.
My skin started crawling with goosebumps and chills.
My brain began screaming to head for the hills.
I tried to escape but I knew I could not.
In horror, I found I was glued to the spot.
“Will somebody help me!?” I started to shout,
till fumes overcame me and made me pass out.
And that’s why I’m here in this hospital room;
it’s all on account of The Armpit of Doom.
I’m still feeling shaken. I’m queasy and pale,
but lucky I lived and can tell you my tale.
So take my advice… If you ever go near
your big brothers room, bring a whole lot of gear:
A gas mask and goggles, a helmet and shield,
or maybe a space suit that’s perfectly sealed.
And then, only then, when you’re fully prepared,
step in very slowly and hope you’ll be spared.
But, if you’re afraid of the Armpit of Doom,
stay far, far away from your big brother’s room.

–Kenn Nesbitt

Jake the Yo-Yo Maker

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

I’m Jake, the yo-yo maker.
Making yo-yos is my thing.
It only takes a chunk of wood
and several feet of string.

To try to make sure every
single yo-yo is unique,
I make some from mohagany,
and turn some out in teak.

I fashion some from plastic,
and I build some out of brass.
I sculpt some out of stone,
or manufacture them from glass.

A scrap of quilted fabric here.
A shred of metal there.
I even made a yo-yo, once,
from purple underwear.

Then, when I’m done constructing them,
I sell them on the street.
I’d say that making yo-yos
is a job that can’t be beat.

It brings such joy and happiness;
I don’t see many frowns.
But, just like any other job,
it has it’s ups and downs.

–Kenn Nesbitt

A Shark is a Pet

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

A shark is a pet
that you don’t want to get.
There is nothing less fun than a shark.
He doesn’t have fur.
He won’t cuddle or purr,
and he never takes walks in the park.

Instead he just stares
and intensely prepares,
as he circles and waits in the dark,
to nibble your nose
and your fingers and toes,
for his bite is much worse than his bark.

–Kenn Nesbitt

Octoproblem

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

My teacher said to calculate
3.141 times 8.
I threw my hand up instantly
and so, of course, she called on me.
She asked me, “What’s the answer, please?”
I’d figured this one out with ease.
I looked her squarely in the eye
and calmly answered, “Octopi!”
It took her half an hour to get it,
and then she gave me extra credit.

–Kenn Nesbitt

The Bagel Bird

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

The Bagel Bird, by all accounts,
is said to lunch on large amounts
of sticks and twigs and sand and stones
and plastic parts from broken phones.
He’ll nibble bits of copper wires
and rubber from discarded tires.
He’ll chomp on tops of cuckoo clocks
and swallow shorts and stinky socks.

He’ll chew your shoes and eat your hat.
He’ll bite your books and baseball bat.
He’ll stuff his lips with poker chips
and snack on sails from sailing ships
and gobble poles and bowling balls
and pick at bricks from fallen walls
and graze on grass and feed on weeds
and dine on twine and strings of beads.

But bagels… whether white or wheat,
or salted, savory, or sweet,
or topped with lox or luncheon meat,
are something he will never eat.
At least that’s what I’ve always heard
about the crazy Bagel Bird.
But I don’t mind because, you see,
that leaves more bagels just for me.

–Kenn Nesbitt