Topic: School

Elementary

elementary

“Elementary.”
That means “easy.”
I don’t find it
quite so breezy.

Learn addition.
Then subtraction.
Multiply.
Divide a fraction.
Spelling. Science.
Reading. Writing.
Social studies.
Speech reciting.
Testing. Testing.
Still more Testing.
Not much recess.
Not much resting.

I complained but
no one listened.
Maybe elementary
isn’t.

Back-to-School Shopping

back-to-school-shopping

My sleeves are too short
and my jeans are too tight.
My shirt is so small
that it doesn’t fit right.

My hat is too snug
and my socks all have holes.
My shoes are worn out
on the sides and the soles.

My mom says it’s time
to go shopping for more.
She wants me to get
some new clothes at the store.

She begs and cajoles,
but I simply say, “No.
I want to stay home.
I would rather not go.”

While new ones may fit
in the sleeves and the toes,
the old ones I have
are my favorite clothes.

The All-Bean Diet

the-all-bean-diet

Beans for breakfast.
Beans for lunch.
Beans for dinner.
Beans for brunch.
Beans for snacks
and all desserts.
Beans until your
stomach hurts.

This is called
the “All-Bean Diet.”
Man, it’s fun!
You have to try it!
True, it gives you
painful gas…
Still, it sure does
clear the class!

Jim Sox

jim-sox

He’s “Mr. Athletic,”
the coolest of jocks,
the school’s fastest runner:
His name is Jim Sox.

He’s fearsome at football,
terrific at tennis.
At baseball and basketball
Jim is a menace.

He’s always the winner.
There isn’t a sport
where Jim doesn’t rule
as the king of the court.

He’s equally blessed
on the field and the rink,
but all of that exercise
gives him a stink.

And so in our schoolyard
the greatest of knocks
is telling a person,
“You smell like Jim Sox.”

Octoproblem

octoproblem

My teacher said to calculate
3.141 times 8.
I threw my hand up instantly
and so, of course, she called on me.
She asked me, “What’s the answer, please?”
I’d figured this one out with ease.
I looked her squarely in the eye
and calmly answered, “Octopi!”
It took her half an hour to get it,
and then she gave me extra credit.

I Raised My Hand in Class

i-raised-my-hand-in-class

I raised my hand in class this morning,
sitting in the back.
The teacher didn’t see, I think.
Instead she called on Jack.

I stretched my hand up higher,
but she called on Zach and Zoe.
I started bouncing up and down,
but, still, she called on Chloe.

I waved my arms but, even so,
she didn’t call on me.
She called on Bryan, Brooklyn, Billy,
Bailey, Ben, and Bree.

She called on Taylor, Tristan, Thomas,
Trinity, and Ty.
Then, finally, she called my name.
I breathed a heavy sigh.

She asked me for the answer.
I just frowned and clenched my knees,
and said, “I’ve no idea,
but could I use the bathroom, please?”

My Very Long Poem

my-very-long-poem

M
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.

S
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?

Snow Day

“Snow day!”
Fred said.
“All play.
Let’s sled!”

“No school!
Just snow.
Way cool.
Let’s go!”

Fred ran
in shed.
Had plan.
Got sled.

“Go slow,”
Mom said.
“I know,”
said Fred.

Up hill
went Fred.
Down hill
Fred sped.

Sled streaked
on past.
Mom shrieked,
“Too fast!”

Snow blew.
“Can’t see!”
Fred flew.
Hit tree.

Sled bent.
Fred’s head
got dent.
Poor Fred.

He cried.
Now plays
inside
snow days.

Our Teacher Sings the Beatles

our-teacher-sings-the-beatles

Our teacher sings The Beatles.
She must know every song.
We ask her please to stop
but she just sings, “It Won’t Be Long.”

And then she croons like Elvis.
She clearly thinks it’s cool.
And if we beg her not to
she just belts out, “Don’t be Cruel.”

She then does Michael Jackson.
It drives us nearly mad.
We have to cover up our ears
because she’s singing, “Bad.”

She winds up with The Wiggles
or else a Barney song,
and, even worse, she tells us all
that we should sing along.

It’s all my fault she does this.
I feel like such a fool.
I wish I’d never brought
my karaoke box to school.

Benjamin Plays Bass Guitar

Benjamin plays bass guitar
completely out of tune.
Sarah sings while sucking from
a helium balloon.

Payton plays piano with her
elbows and her chin.
Brayden bangs on buckets
with a plastic bowling pin.

Nathan’s nose has two kazoos;
one sharp, the other flat.
Bailey sits on bagpipes
sounding like a screaming cat.

We play this way on purpose
with a sound no one can stand.
It’s fun to be the country’s most
annoying student band.