Please Don't Read This Poem

From the book The Armpit of Doom

Please don't read this poem.
It's only meant for me.
That's it. Just move along now.
There's nothing here to see.

Besides, I'm sure you'd rather
just go outside and play.
So put the poem down now
and slowly back away.

Hey, why are you still reading?
That isn't very nice.
I've asked you once politely.
Don't make me ask you twice.

I'm telling you, it's private.
Do not read one more line.
Hey! That's one more. Now stop it.
This isn't yours; it's mine.

You're not allowed to read this.
You really have to stop.
If you don't quit this instant,
I swear I'll call a cop.

He'll drag you off in handcuffs.
He'll lock you up in jail,
and leave you there forever
until you're old and frail.

Your friends will all forget you.
You won't be even missed.
Your family, too, will likely
forget that you exist.

And all because you read this
instead of having fun.
It's too late now, amigo;
the poem's nearly done.

There's only one solution.
Here's what you'll have to do:
Tell all your friends and family
they shouldn't read it too.

--Kenn Nesbitt


Copyright © 2008 Kenn Nesbitt. All Rights Reserved.

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This poem appears in the book
The Armpit of Doom


On Nov 13, 2014 Connor from Australia wrote:
this is the best poem ever!!!!
On Nov 11, 2014 Yellowfang from Thunderclan/Shadowclan wrote:
I really liked it
On Oct 8, 2014 Joana from Australia wrote:
hi this really helped me with my home work. To funny
On Aug 29, 2014 chyna and cat from SA wrote:
yeah it's a secret but it's a funny one P.S We'll tell our friends not to read it too.
On Aug 8, 2014 Anthony from New Zealand wrote:
You shouldn't read this...'s great

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Reading Level of this Poem

Teachers may find this information useful. Please note that Lexile Measures are intended for prose, not poetry. So, technically, the Lexile Measure of any poem should be NP (for non-prose). Nevertheless, this information is frequently requested, so I provide the Lexile Measure for this poem as if it were prose. The Grade Level Average, below, may be a more accurate guide to the reading level of this poem.

Lexile Text Measure: 240L
  Grade Level Measures
ATOS Level: 2.3
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 1.2
Gunning-Fog Index: 3.9
SMOG Index: 3.2
Automated Readability Index: 2.1
Grade Level Average: 2.5
  Text Statistics
Word Count: 190 words
Line Count: 36 lines
Average Line Length: 5.3 words
Average Sentence Length: 7 words
Average Word Length: 4.2 letters


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